The Black Humour Thread

not really a joke as such, but a football chant, which is a bit rude, but even more funny :}

a few decades ago, the blue side of glasgow lost the title to celtic, one of their fans wanted to kill himself, by jumping out of the window...too drunk to remember, he was on the first floor :D

this one is very popular for celtic supporters ;)

'they are jumping out of windows when they loose
they are jumping out of windows when they loose
jumping out of windows, jumping out of windows
jumping out of windows when they loose

and we hope it's multi storey when they jump
and we hope it's multi storey when they jump
hope it's multi storey, hope it's multi storey
hope it's multi storey when they jump

and we hope there's spiky railings when they land
and we hope there's spiky railing when they land
hope there's spiky railings, hope there's spiky railings
hope there's spiky railings when they land'


anymore of that stuff? rude jokes?

but please no racism and jokes of discriminating nature, thanks :)

The reasons why the Arabs lost  the Six Days' War was due to the thanks supplied by the Russians. 
The text book supplied with the tanks gave the following instructions:

1. Retreat.
2. Draw the enemy into trap
3. Then wait for the winter snow

A beautiful but rather simple-minded woman once asked the famous playwright George Bernard Shaw how he would feel about him fathering her child:
"Just imagine a child with your intelligence and my beauty", she said.
Shaw quickly replied: " Yes, but imagine if it the other way
round"!

Eve was the most frustrated of women: she couldn't nag Adam by telling him what a wonderful man her first husband was.

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."

What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hit was The Wall.

Did you hear about the groom who orders a new suit for his wedding? It wasn't made in time so he sued the tailor for promise of breeches.

My wife and I have a joint bank account. I put the money in
and she takes it out.

It is said that married men live longer than single men.
It's not true - It seems longer.

When we proposed she said, I may like the simple things in life but that doesn't mean that I want to marry one of them!

The world is going to end not with a bang, but with a woman staring through a glass panel at her frozen eggs and wondering if she'll ever have the time to defrost them
Pearson 2003,S. 165

Nine out of ten people enjoy gang rape.

@Grymnir

Jesus, that's old as fuck.

@El_Gato

Who cares, its funny anyway ;)

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? 

His wife is dead. 

How many police officers do you need to change a light bulb?

Not one. They arrest the room for being black.