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Sexual Problems? Ashamed or perplexed? Ask Dr. Mc_Love..

13 Beiträge, Schlüsselwörter: Sex, Satire, Love, Help, DR., Not Serious, Tenderness
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Banana_Joe
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Sexual Problems? Ashamed or perplexed? Ask Dr. Mc_Love..

07.10.2013 um 15:52
Dr. S. Mc_Murphy_Love is an interntional renowned relationship & sex therapist, even if this is only part of Dr_Loves own imagination - He nevertheless, is willing to help people, to find love and joy in dating, sex and tenderness.

Dr.Mc_Love enjoys an excellent reputation for working as a doctor's assistant in Germany and solving all kinds of sexual problems overthere.Click here for further information! Now he finally is back, in the English-speaking world, to bring you joy and help.

Feel free to ask everything! No matter how personal or embarassing - and get thoughtful, heartfelt answers from someone who knows what he is talking about and cares deeply about people.

I wish you all the love you can get.

Yours sincerely

Dr. Mc_Murphy_Love


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Sexual Problems? Ashamed or perplexed? Ask Dr. Mc_Love..

07.10.2013 um 21:35
Dear Mr. Love,

today, when I went to college, I had a very sad experience :(
A girl I don't like very much told some kind of joke everyone was laughing about.

But I don't get the point :(

that makes me feel really very, very bad ...

I don't want to talk about the joke here, because I'm afraid it has got something to do with this sexual behaviours and all this stuff

as I'm very polite, I wont use words like that

What can I do?

I have got another Problem, too, she is very pretty and smart, and Im just some Kind of Freak ...

Please help. :(


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Sexual Problems? Ashamed or perplexed? Ask Dr. Mc_Love..

07.10.2013 um 21:55
:cry: :cry:


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Banana_Joe
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Sexual Problems? Ashamed or perplexed? Ask Dr. Mc_Love..

07.10.2013 um 22:06
@Alicet

Ok, let's see how we can deal with this problem. I would suggest you, to post the joke however. So, thereafter I can do some scientific analysis. Too keep you safe, from the words bad influence, just replace the badest words with dots. Furthermore you don't have to be afraid of prettiness but please, tell me what kind of freak you are. It's not only very interesting but important for the scientific analysis.

I wish you all the love you can get.

Yours sincerely

Dr. Mc_Murphy_Love


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Sexual Problems? Ashamed or perplexed? Ask Dr. Mc_Love..

07.10.2013 um 22:18
Thank you :)
you seem to be very Kind
Please dont mind my terrible english ;)

The joke i dont understand :cry:

"To fail is human nature" said the hedehog and jumped off the hairbrusch

everyone was laughing :cry: :cry: and i tried to laugh too, but everyone realised that i didnt get the Point, im quite sure :cry:

now ..how to say ... im some Kind of Freak ... creepy, somehow

i never had a boyfriend before and i feel like some Kind of Alien :cry:


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Banana_Joe
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Sexual Problems? Ashamed or perplexed? Ask Dr. Mc_Love..

07.10.2013 um 22:51
@Alicet

The hedgehog, as we scientifics know, is the most perversely sexholic being on this planet and it especially wants sex with haibrushes during the rutting season. It is so full of horniness, it cant distinguish a hedgehog from a hairbrush. This is why we aren't overcrowded by hedgehogs already. To fail is humans nature but all the more the perverted hedgehogs nature. Now you got the point.

Well, next point is creepiness and that you never had a boyfriend. Let me think about it. Hmm.
Have you ever thought about love between a hedgehog and humans? For further advice, please let me know .

I wish you all the love you can get.

Yours sincerely

Dr. Mc_Murphy_Love


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Sexual Problems? Ashamed or perplexed? Ask Dr. Mc_Love..

07.10.2013 um 22:55
Thank you so much, dear Mr. Love, im Feeling a lot better now :) :)
Banana_Joe schrieb:love between a hedgehog and humans
hm
im thinking, and thinking, and thinking

does this implicit, that humans and hedgehogs are quite similar? :ask:


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Banana_Joe
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Sexual Problems? Ashamed or perplexed? Ask Dr. Mc_Love..

07.10.2013 um 23:02
@Alicet

No, it implicits, that hedgehogs are perversely sexholic and that they don't care about creepiness, ugliness et cetera and that I wish you all the love you can get!


Yours sincerely

Dr. Mc_Murphy_Love


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Sexual Problems? Ashamed or perplexed? Ask Dr. Mc_Love..

07.10.2013 um 23:13
Dear Mr. Love,
thank your for your Kind advice.

But i dont understand - unfortunately, im not just a Little bit creepy, im also a little bit stupid.

Do you mean i should try to find a hedgehog as a boyfriend?
But this animal is so rough and i dont want to have it under my blankets :cry:

Hoping, i only misunderstood

Kind regards and so on ...


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Banana_Joe
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Sexual Problems? Ashamed or perplexed? Ask Dr. Mc_Love..

07.10.2013 um 23:18
@Alicet
Well, of course, there are many other solutions and I even dont think you're creepy, But this has to be part of the session tomorrow, because the doctor's practice is closed for today..

,.

I wish you all the love you can get.

Yours sincerely

Dr. Mc_Murphy_Love


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Sexual Problems? Ashamed or perplexed? Ask Dr. Mc_Love..

07.10.2013 um 23:24
Thanks a lot, dear Mr. Love

hope you sleep well

dont let the bed bugs bite

Tomorrow we will discuss the Problem with the animals

Looking Forward for this

yours sincerely
Alice


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Banana_Joe
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Sexual Problems? Ashamed or perplexed? Ask Dr. Mc_Love..

09.10.2013 um 11:22
Good Morning Dear @Alicet,

I'm really sorry for being absent on business, yesterday. I had to do some basic and advanced sex + tenderness instruction, so I had to be absent.

Anyhow, now I'm back to help you. First of all, I want you to do the following test!

There is a test, considering 1500 questions, in the attachment, also. But it isn't necessary for me.
You said you have never had a boy friend before but, have you ever:



(1) had a date ? (Y/N)
(2) told a dirty joke to a SO ? (Y/N)
(3) been out on a date after 4 A.M. ? (Y/N)
(4) had an penile or clitoral erection ? (Y/N)
(5) had a blind date ? (Y/N)
(6) danced cheek to cheek ? (Y/N)
(7) French kissed a SO ? (Y/N)
(8) French kissed a SO in the horizontal position ? (Y/N)
(9) French kissed a SO in the last three months ? (Y/N)
(10) gone skinny dipping ? (Y/N)
(11) received or given a hickey ? (Y/N)
(12) massaged or been massaged by a SO ? (Y/N)
(13) picked up a SO (in a bar or party - sex does not have to have happened) ? (Y/N)
(14) had phone-sex or email-sex ? (Y/N)
(15) had (or caused) an orgasm while having phone-sex/email-sex ? (Y/N)
(16) had an alcoholic drink ? (more than just a sip!) (Y/N)
(17) been drunk ? (Y/N)
(18) thrown up after drinking too much ? (Y/N)
(19) smoked a cigarette/cigar (more than just a puff!)? (Y/N)
(20) smoked marijuana or other soft drugs ? (Y/N)
(21) used a stronger drug (e.g. cocaine) ? (Y/N)
(22) been arrested ? (Y/N)
(23) been convicted of a crime ? (Y/N)
(24) seen a stripper (male or female) ? (Y/N)
(25) touched a stripper ? (Y/N)
(26) been to a bachelor/bachelorette party ? (Y/N)
(27) seen a pornographic magazine or online picture ? (Y/N)
(28) seen a pornographic movie (X rated) ? (Y/N)
(29) seen a pornographic movie in a mixed-sex audience ? (Y/N)
(30) committed an oops (barging in on people having sex)or had an oops committed onyou?(Y/N
(31) worn underwear belonging to the opposite sex ? (Y/N)
(32) gone out without underwear or bra ? (Y/N)
(33) masturbated ? (Y/N)
(34) masturbated with another person(s) present and watching ? (Y/N)
(35) masturbated to a picture/movie ? (Y/N)
(36) been caught masturbating ? (Y/N)
(37) watched another person masturbate ? (Y/N)
(38) masturbated in a public space (i.e. plane, train, park) ? (Y/N)
(39) simulated intercourse with an inanimate object ? (Y/N)
(40) been masturbated by a SO ? (Y/N)
(41) been masturbated by a non-SO (i.e. the sex you're not normally attracted to) ? (Y/N)
(42) fondled the breasts of or had your breasts fondled by a SO ? (Y/N)
(43) fondled a SO's ass (clothed or unclothed) ? (Y/N)
(44) fondled a SO's genitals ? (Y/N)
(45) had your genitals fondled ? (Y/N)
(46) gone through the motions of intercourse while fully dressed ? (Y/N)
(47) had orgasm due to manipulation/masturbation by a SO ? (Y/N)
(48) seen (not a picture) a naked SO of age over 15 ? (Y/N)
(49) been seen naked by a SO after puberty ? (Y/N)
(50) played strip poker (or other strip game) with a SO ? (Y/N)
(51) played strip poker (or other strip game) in a group (3 or more people) ? (Y/N)
(52) comitted an act of voyuerism ? (Y/N)
(53) committed an act of exhibitionism ? (Y/N)
(54) completely undressed a SO ? (Y/N)
(55) been completely undressed by a SO ? (Y/N)
(56) showered, bathed, or saunaed with a SO ? (Y/N)
(57) spent the night (same bed) in a SO's room or apartment ? (Y/N)
(58) had a sexual experience with someone of a different race ? (Y/N)
(59) used a vibrator ? (Y/N)
(60) used a vibrator on a SO ? (Y/N)
(61) given or received fellatio (blowjob) ? (Y/N)
(62) given or received cunnilingus ? (Y/N)
(63) tasted semen ? (Y/N)
(64) tasted vaginal juices ? (Y/N)
(65) gone 69 ? (Y/N)
(66) had sexual intercourse ? (Y/N)
(67) had sexual intercourse outdoors ? (Y/N)
(68) had sexual intercourse with a virgin ? (Y/N)
(69) had sexual intercourse while you/your partner was menstruating ? (Y/N)
(70) had sexual intercourse with two SO's within 24 hours ? (Y/N)
(71) had sexual intercourse while someone was watching ? (Y/N)
(72) had sexual intercourse within the last three months ? (Y/N)
(73) had sexual intercourse without using a condom ? (Y/N)
(74) had a one night stand (with sexual intercourse or oral sex) ? (Y/N)
(75) had sex more than once with someone you weren't in a relationship with ? (Y/N)
(76) cheated on your girl/boyfriend ? (Y/N)
(77) impregnated a woman or been pregnant ? (Y/N)
(78) arranged or had an abortion ? (Y/N)
(79) taken pictures/filmed you or your SO naked ? (Y/N)
(80) anally stimulated a SO with your finger ? (Y/N)
(81) anally stimulated a SO with your tongue ? (Y/N)
(82) had anal intercourse with a SO ? (Y/N)
(83) anally stimulated a non-SO (i.e. the sex you're not normally attracted to) ? (Y/N)
(84) had anal intercourse with a non-SO ? (Y/N)
(85) been involved in watersports (We don't mean water-skiing!) (Y/N)
(86) been involved in some form of bondage ? (Y/N)
(87) had a piercing done below the neck level ? (Y/N)
(88) described a sexual experience to a third party ? (Y/N)
(89) ever thought about taking part in a orgy ? (Y/N)
(90) attended an orgy (3 or more people) ? (Y/N)
(91) fondled a SO under 13 years old ? (Y/N)
(92) had a sexual experience with someone 10+ years younger/older than you ? (Y/N)
(93) slept with a TOTAL of more than 5 SO's since puberty ? (Y/N)
(94) slept with a TOTAL of more than 10 SO's since puberty ? (Y/N)
(95) slept with a TOTAL of more than 15 SO's since puberty ? (Y/N)
(96) committed incest ? (Y/N)
(97) committed statutory rape (sex with someone < 16) ? (Y/N)
(98) accepted a proposition from a prostitute ? (Y/N)
(99) had a sexual experience before puberty ? (Y/N)
(100) committed bestiality (animals...) ? (Y/N)


Please answer at least 25 questions, whose are most characterizing for your (sexual) behaviour. It's part of our additional scientific standard operating procedure, so you don't have to be ashamed about anything. Just trust me, because...

I wish you all the love you can get.

Yours sincerely

Dr. Mc_Murphy_Love

Next one, please..

Edit: SO stands for Significant Other, the person of the sex you are attracted to. (e.g. for a straight female, SO = male, for a gay male SO = male).


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Sexual Problems? Ashamed or perplexed? Ask Dr. Mc_Love..

28.06.2014 um 12:26
Damned, im only 32% sexually pure^^


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